I'm Clay Duke. On Tuesday, I interrupted a Panama City School Board meeting by painting a big red "V" in a circle on the wall, then pulled out my Smith & Wesson automatic pistol and waved it around. I blamed the School Board for firing my wife from her teacher's job and threatened to kill them all. Being the consummate gentleman, though, I told the lone female on the board that she could leave, then continued to hold my trusty piece in the board president's face.
While I was making my point, that sneaky bitch that I let leave the room, crept back in behind me and pummeled me with her purse. That freakin' purse must have weighed a ton, it hurt so bad. Those things should be outlawed. I should have plugged her right then and there, but, like I said, I'm a gentleman.
Instead, I leveled old Betsy and squeezed off a couple shots at the rest of the board members sitting there for not warning me that the crazy bitch was about to hit me with a surprise purse attack.
I'll never know how the hell I missed them all.
Then, out of nowhere, comes a security guard and plugs me. I return fire, but, once again, don't hit a thing. Unbelievable, huh?
He hits me a couple more times and I figure the jig is up, so I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger, thinking that since I haven't hit a thing all day, I'll probably miss again.
I'm the N.R.A.......