Friday, April 16, 2010

Obama Closes Down Space Program, Tells NASA "Tie Balloons To Your Asses...."

Pres. Obama brought his austerity message directly to the National Aeronautic and Space Administration at Cape Kennedy on Thursday, telling the stunned workers they were all fired.

"We have been to the moon," the president told the assembled space workers, "and there ain't nothing there. No matter how many times we go there, there still ain't going to be nothing there except all the expensive crap we take there and leave."

"Any of you who still want to explore the final frontier, tie balloons to your sorry asses and go."

"As of today, the space program is terminated and all of you are fired. I am leaving here and going directly to Houston and give them the same news: 'Houston, you've got a problem. You're fired!'"

With that, the president left the podium and a large contingent of the Florida Highway Patrol collected ID badges, government-issued cell phones and executive washroom keys and accompanied them while they hastily cleaned out their personal belongings from their desks, then ushered the shocked workers off the premises, clanging shut the large metal gates at the end of the causeway behind them.

Most of the 2500 employees gathered in the parking lot of the nearby Titusville Burger King to assess, ironically, the gravity of the situation. Former NASA director, Ralph Kramden, said, "I think I speak for everyone here when I say, 'To the moon, Obama.....'" The manager of the fast food restaurant cut short the director's remarks when he ordered everyone to get off the property unless they were going to buy something.

"And while your at it, get rid of all the furniture in this place." President Obama

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