Friday, April 23, 2010

State of Arizona On Verge Of Bankruptcy After Passage Of Anti-Immigration Bill

Following the news that Arizona Gov. Jan "Why, Yes, I Am Running For Re-Election; Why Do You Ask?" Brewer has signed into law that will require all persons who don't look like her (e.g., blond, blue-eyed, obviously Caucasian, wealthy, Republican, etc.) to furnish proof of citizenship when challenged by authorities. Brewer and her fellow Korps der politischen Leiter pushed through legislation that brings resurrects that treasured American saying, "Where are your identification papers.........." Ahhhh, the memories.

Arizona lawmakers are also considering bills to round up anyone caught speaking a language other than American, wearing headgear other than a Stetson or an Arizona Diamondback baseball cap, possession of two or more tacos and having a last name that ends in a vowel or the letter "z." Mixed marriages between races are expressly forbidden and marriages between anyone other than mainstream Protestant religions are now considered illegal, as well.

As primary bill sponsor state Rep. Russell Pearce proclaimed, "Illegal is illegal. We'll have less crime. We'll have lower taxes. We'll have safer neighborhoods. We'll have shorter lines in the emergency rooms. We'll have smaller classrooms."

What bill supporters did not count on, however, were the financial ramifications of the new legislation. McDonalds, Burger King and several other fast food outlets closed 75% of their locations due to a lack of workers and raised the price of a single hamburger to $6.95, citing increased labor and food costs.

Wal-Mart will cease operations in the state, as will Costco, Kmart and other discount retailers. Supermarket chains are consolidating locations and preparing for the onslaught of irate consumers once the price of local produce skyrockets from growers being unable to find workers to harvest their crops.

Service stations, convenience stores, garages--any place where manual labor is required--are scrambling to find personnel to fill the voids left by their now-vanished work force. Old white guys are at a loss as to how to actually physically perform the jobs that they so ably "supervised" for all these years.

The Roman Catholic Church has sold all its churches to the Mormons and various evangelical denominations and have vacated the state, due to the precipitous drop in their Latino parishoners, a mainstay of their congregations. Said the Most Reverend Thomas J. Olmsted, Bishop of The Diocese of Phoenix, "We hope someday to send missionaries back into the state, just like we did 300 years ago when we were illegal aliens here in what was then Mexico."

The fragile housing industry, once a mainstay of the Arizona economy, will suffer an irreversible relapse with the absence of laborers and tradesmen. Lawn maintenance contractors are expected to charge homeowners upwards of $250 per month to mow lawns, now that all their low-cost staff has left the state.

Taxes, as Rep. Pearce predicted, will, in fact, be lower. The revenue from the average state sales tax of 6.8% has plummeted, as the estimated 800,000 illegal aliens are fleeing Arizona and taking with them their disposable income.

Internment camps have sprung up outside the urban centers of Phoenix, Mesa and others for the influx of rounded-up illegals, those who look illegal and those who had the misfortune to forget their identification papers when they were randomly stopped, since Gov. Brewer vowed that there would be no racial profiling when looking for undocumented Hispanics.

"Und ve haf our eyes on those Jews, too. I tink dey vill be the next to go....." Reichsleiter Frau Brewer

1 comment:

  1. File this under, "Be careful what you wish for."