Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Sarasota County Schools Overwhelmed By Rampant Infestation; Officials Say Spread To General Population Inevitable

Something's bugging students in the Sarasota County school system.  And it's just not the teachers or the homework.

In fact, the situation is so serious that the County School Board contracted last spring with Rielle Hunter of Hunter-Young-Edwards Productions to produce the following $3.2 million public service announcement.  It was to begin airing over the summer, but local medial outlets WWSB  and SNN said that gubernatorial candidate, Rick Scott, and senatorial candidate, Jeff Greene, had already purchased every available minute of advertising time and neither hopeful spending millions of dollars out of their own pockets to be elected a public servant by the citizens of Florida would relinquish any air time, choosing instead to continue running their highly-negative toxic ads.

Pediatric health authorities recommend that parents talk to their children about the infestation, no matter how young they are, as younger children are the most likely victims to be affected.

Please be advised that the TV spot pulls no punches and is a very frank discussion of the scourge that threatens to close down the entire school district unless health officials can get a handle on this very dire situation.

Yes, cooties.

Formerly considered a childhood malady that was soon outgrown, cooties have become a universal curse, knowing no geographical, economic or social boundaries.

It used to be that only pre-pubescent boys thought girls had them and pre-pubescent girls thought--rightly so, as it turns out--that boys had them.  Except for Justin Bieber.

Nowadays, though, Republicans think Democrats have cooties, Democrats think Republicans have cooties and the Tea Party thinks everyone has cooties but themselves. 

Rich people think poor people have cooties, poor people think rich people infected them on purpose and don't want to pass the health care initiative to keep them from getting proper treatment for cooties. 

Christians think Muslims have cooties and wish they would just give us their oil and shut the hell up and stop killing people, Muslims think Christians have cooties and consider it a Shari'a mandate to exterminate the infidel carriers. 

White people think people of color have cooties, people of color call them bigots and racists for thinking so, but, yet, think white people have cooties, too. 

Americans think illegal aliens have cooties and want to close down the country to stay cootie-free, illegal aliens are dying for the chance to get into America and catch their own cooties. 

And, on it goes..................

No comments:

Post a Comment