Storro, when told that her duplicitous actions may result in criminal prosecution, informed reporters that she intended to use the "Derek Jeter Defense."
"Look," she explained, "like every other 28-year old single woman, I have self-esteem issues and, as such, it's my job to draw attention to myself to attract as many potential husband candidates as I can, just like it's Derek Jeter's job to get on base any way he can, an obvious reference to an incident at a Wednesday night baseball game between the vaunted New York Yankees and some third-rate team from somewhere in Florida when the legendary Yankee shortstop heroically flim-flammed the umpiring crew into believing he had been hit by a pitch when it was shown conclusively on television replays that the ball clearly hit the knob end of Jeter's bat."
"If it's good enough for Derek Jeter, it's good enough for me," reasoned Ms. Storro. "And I'm only about half as famous as he is."
Ms. Storro mugs for the camera before and after splashing acid on her face in order to attract attention.
Mr. Jeter accepts Emmy Award for "Best Actor in Continuing Sports Drama Outside of Professional Wrestling."