Date: Nov. 21, 2009
Time: 03:30 hours
Location: Secret Family Bunker
Re: It has begun!
In retrospect, it was the perfect storm; too bad there were so few of us that saw it coming. The doomsday prophecy: 'o'bama,'o'prah and Egg'o's. o-o-o. Stick a feather in their caps and what do you get? 6-6-6. Think about that, America.
Health-care death panels, the Muslim terrorist shootings at Ft. Hood, comrade obama groveling to the Reds in China, socialist sympathizer Oprah starting her own network and, finally, the so-called Eggo shortage.
"Shortage," my ass.
Rush Limbaugh said that obama made a deal in China to force us Americans to eat more Chinese-grown rice instead of regular American food, even for breakfast. And that he wanted Kellogg's, a proud American company, to go bankrupt because their cereals have been keeping American children strong and healthy for decades. What true American hasn't been raised on Sugar Pops, Froot Loops and Tony Tigers?
Then, Glenn Beck said on his program that the Eggo shortage was causing food riots in the grocery stores, just like obama had planned. He said he heard that a soccer mom was killed in a Piggly-Wiggly after snagging the last dozen or so boxes of Eggos when a mob of welfare low-lifes tried to take them from her.
"You can have my Eggos when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers," she cried defiantly.
So, they shot her.
A fine, Christian soccer mom.
And Glenn Beck had tears in his eyes when he told the story.
Now, Fox News is airing unconfirmed reports from unnamed sources that several cities on the east coast may be in flames from street rioting and obama has possibly ordered the National Guard to stand down and do nothing to stop it. And Mexicans are reliably rumored to be flooding across the California and Texas borders, searching for Eggos.
So the fight between good and evil, right and wrong, is joined. Just as any true American knew it would be when comrade obama stole the election and handed over the country to his Communist Muslim fellow Democrats.
My wife's sister says I'm crazy for taking my family and holing up in our bunker. Then again, this was the same skeptic who said I was "crazy" for teaching the 9-year old twins how to field strip their M-16s and deploy those anti-personnel mines that I got them for Christmas last year.
We have ammunition, beer, food, including a case and a half of Eggos, water, a battery-powered TV for Fox News, our Bible and Sarah Palin's new book. We're all set. Who's the crazy one now, Edna?
I told her not to come banging on our door when the drug-fueled horde comes to loot her house and slaughter her kids looking for frozen waffles.