Friday, February 26, 2010

Alleged Murderer, Prof. Amy Bishop, Makes Calls On Behalf Of Sarasota County's Proposed 1-Mill School Tax

Sarasota County residents are receiving unsolicited recorded telephone messages from accused murderer, Amy Bishop, urging support of the School Board’s extension of the 1-mill tax to benefit public education in the county. While some residents have expressed outrage and disbelief at having a woman charged with killing three colleagues and wounding three more acting as a spokesperson for the school district, School Superintendent Lori White replied that Dr. Bishop is an appropriate choice.

“First of all,” said Ms. White, “she’s a doctor, OK? I mean, like, how many of you are doctors? She went to Harvard. So, how many of you brainstorms ever went to Harvard? Like, you probably don’t even know where Harvard is. Secondly, she is a educator, respected by her peers for her commitment to higher learning, as well as for her marksmanship. Lastly, she is the mother of four children, so she knows what’s best for kids. And, fifthly, she was the biggest celebrity we could get for the piddling amount of money left in our advertising budget after we made all those political contributions. Paris Hilton, our first choice, wanted triple what we had to pay Dr. Bishop.”

Residents complain that they have received the ‘robocall’ up to 10 or 11 times a day for the past week. One anonymous county resident reported, “It’s one thing to get this call day in and day out several times a day, but when your phone rings at 2:30 in the morning and you hear this deranged woman’s voice telling you to vote for the tax or you’ll be sorry, it’s a little disconcerting, to say the least.”

The text of the call is another point of contention for some:

“Hello, this is Dr. Amy Bishop, formerly of the University of Alabama at Huntsville biology department and now Inmate #5595136 of the Huntsville Correctional Facility, awaiting trial on a trumped-up, completely erroneous charge of multiple homicides, of which I am completely confident of being exonerated.”

“As a Harvard-educated neurobiologist, I am living proof of how far you can go in life with the proper education and friends in the local police department. My late brother didn’t think school was important, but I showed him that he was wrong. Dead wrong.”

“As a dedicated professional educator, I can’t stress enough how much your vote on the upcoming 1-mill tax extension means to the young impressionable children of Sarasota County. Your tax money will fund pizza parties, giveaways and limo rides for so many deserving children. Smart children, who deserve to be rewarded, not like the little slugs who just go along, coasting through school. They deserve NOTHING! YOU HEAR ME, NOTHING! They will never go to Harvard. They will never be neurobiologists. They will never be doctors. They'll just grow up to be naysayers and backstabbers who would deny their brilliant colleague tenure because they're jealous of how smart she is. So, she'll just have to show them, that's all. She'll have to show them how evil they were to deny her tenure, to deny her the career she so richly deserves. She'll have to show those catty bitches once and for all.........”

"But, I digress."

“I urge you to please vote ‘yes’ on the school tax extension. No, in fact, I demand that you vote ‘yes.’ Don’t make me come to Sarasota to make you pay for not voting ‘yes.’ I know where you live…..”

"It's for the children, dammit."

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