Fresh on the heels of the arrest of ten Americans from the Central Valley Baptist Church in Meridian, Idaho for trying to spirit 33 Haitian children, ranging in age from 2 through 12, into the Dominican Republic claiming that they were orphans when, in reality, some were clearly not, the Haitian government has declared null and void all adoptions of Haitian children by foreign families after 1985. While this ruling would dictate that the oldest of the group is now approaching 25 years of age, the administration in Haiti has determined that they must return to their homeland or face legal action by the Haitian authorities.
Exact numbers will be hard to come by since any records that might have been saved from these adoptions were probably destroyed in the recent earthquake. Haitian officials are hoping that the adoptees will return "on the honor system."
Said one high-ranking government official from his tent just outside Port-au-Prince, "Haiti needs her children to come home. While we were happy to be rid of the extra mouths to feed when you were babies and that you were adopted by loving, nurturing families who saw to your every need, fed you, clothed you, educated you, treated you as they would have treated their own children and helped you to assimilate into their own societies. And that is precisely why we are requiring that you come back to Haiti."
"We have lost almost 175,000 of our population in Haiti, so we now have room for you to come back. You little ones can come back and people from all over the world will donate money to build more schools and to hire many, many Haitian teachers who will form a union and become tenured, so that they cannot be fired for any reason, just like in America."
"Those of you who are older and have completed your education paid for by your adoptive parents in other countries can come back and build lucrative businesses like off-shore banking here in Haiti funded with donations from foreign interests. Haiti will become the Switzerland of the Caribbean. In a few years after your greed demolishes our fragile economy again, we will solicit foreign donations for a bailout for you, so that you can be paid your bonuses."
"And those of you who were adopted by more wealthy parents who sent you to medical school and have become physicians can come home and run hospitals here that will be subsidized by other nations, allowing you to become very rich. You can become even more rich by helping to shape our healthcare system into an out-of-control bureaucracy manipulated by our own profiteering health insurance industry. Does not Haiti have a long history of piracy? "
"That will leave the rest of us who never had the good fortune to be adopted to enter politics here in Haiti. As we re-build our beloved island nation together, then we will have our rightful opportunity to profit obscenely from the billions of dollars in donations that will flow like a mighty river into our country, so that we, too, may share in the abundance of riches that God has provided us from the earthquake."