Sunday, August 22, 2010

France Deports Gypsies, Gypsies Respond With Curse, France Surrenders. Again.

The government of France has begun deporting Gypsies back to their native Romania, a move that the American Tea Party ironically hailed as "a bold move by our brave French allies, from which the spineless leaders of our once great country could learn a thing or two."

In retaliation, the Gypsies have instated a curse--or nenorocire--destined to reign calamity and damnation upon the French people for 100 years, with a margin of error of 3 years, plus or minus.

The main tenets of the curse are:

1)  French men will be condemned to have gigantic noses:

2)  French women will be condemned to have hairy armpits:

3)  The French people will be condemned to eat snails:

Immediately upon learning that the Gypsies placed a curse upon them, French president, Nicolas Sarkozy and the French National Assembly dispatched Col. Rochefort Brive-la-Gaillarde to a small hamlet near Marseille, where the last remaining band of Gypsies had been awaiting transport out of the country.  Col. Brive-la-Gaillarde, Chief Minister of Surrender, met with the leader of the ten or so Gypsies left, one Madame LaZonga, and offered her the ceremonial Le Sabrer de Defaite, the Sword of Surrender, used at every French surrender since the mid-1700s.

In a local twist, when informed that the French had acquiesed to a ragtag band of Gypsies, local Tea Party activist and vehement School Board critic, Rich Swier, who had most recently led a scorched-earth campaign to get a textbook that he deemed too pro-Islam, too pro-evolution and too pro-facts tossed from the curriculm, demanded that the French language program at Sarasota's Riverview High School be dropped. 

"It's the language of cowards and quitters," said Swier, "and we don't need to be learning our kids how to talk that gobbledygook anyhoo."

To which Caroline Zucker, President of the School Board, replied, "I give up.........."


  1. The French will also be condemned to an unexplainable attraction to Jerry Lewis and Gerard Depardieu.