Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Script For Tebow Super Bowl Ad Revealed; The Plot Thickens.....

An anonymous source has leaked the content of the upcoming controversial Super Bowl broadcast advertisement featuring University of Florida superstar, Tim Tebow, and his mother. Apparently, the ad has as much to do with the Tebows' religious beliefs as it does with getting the young quarterback into the NFL as a higher draft pick. The source inside the Focus on Family who gave reporters the synopsis of the TV spot spoke on the condition that his name not be used, but those on the scene reported the shadowy figure wore a number 15 Florida Gator jersey and sported strips of what appeared to be black tape with a Bible verse reference printed on them underneath his eyes.

According to the source, the advertisement, that is scheduled to air late in the third quarter of the game, opens with Tebow walking across the misty surface of Lake Alice on the western side of the University of Florida campus. Upon arriving on the shore, he is surrounded by all manner of young wildlife, including bunnies, fawns, lambs and bluebirds. Tebow picks up a lamb and begins to speak:


"Verily, I say unto you, behold the majesty and power that is Tebow, the Quarterback. For I come unto you, my brethren, to share the message from on high that I shall reigneth supreme in the NFL. I shall smite those who would bear false witness about me, just as surely as I will smite all those who would try in vain to intercept my passes."

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of defensive ends, I will fear no blitz; for my hands are sure and my feet are as the leopard as he dashes through the wilderness. Just as I have done in college, so shall I do in the pros, for I am mighty and just and a favorite in the eyes of the Lord, who assureth the team for which I play victory and riches beyond knowledge. So saith the Lord."

Then, Tebow's mother, Pam, enters from off-screen. "My son is favored among men, for when I was with child in a faraway land, the physicians decreed that my womb should be purged of his presence, lest I should perish. But I knew in my heart that my child would one day rise up to lead Gator Nation to glory. And he shall do so likewise in the NFL, for as it is written, so shall it be this very day in this very land, that ye shall know his might."

"For, behold, the Saints are being slain by those who would worship the Beast who bears the mark of the hoof by four touchdowns with but a short time remaining. Now it will be that the leader of the Saints, who is called Drew Brees, will be stricken with a plague of boils and will be unable to do battle when the quarter of the fourth shall begin. And there shall be a great wailing and gnashing of the teeth springing up from the peoples of the Cresent City, that they would be vanquished and submit to the Beast."

"But, lo, as the darkness approacheth, there will come a mighty wind from the north of this very land that is the city of Gainesville, and his name shall be Tebow. And the Saints will fall on their knees that Tebow might take up their fight, for they are Saints."

"Now, there are those who would keep Tebow from putting on the shoulder pads of righteousness and march with the Saints this day to slay the Beast, saying, 'But, he has not signed, he has no contract with the Saints and Draft Day has not yet come. He has no place here.'"

"Yet Timothy would put asunder those chains of unjustness, for the laws of man cannot overrule the will of the Almighty, who hath decreed that he should prevaileth over the Beast. And Timothy shall destroy the temple that is called by the name of the fish that swims on the land and shall lead the Saints to victory and will smite the Beast, and they shall have no defense against him."

"And Timothy, he of the tribe known as Tebow, shall be exalted by all those who will bear witness to his glory, as he leadeth the Saints not once, not twice, but, verily, five times into the zone of triumph and will vanquish the Beast, that the favored of the Lord may be victorious in their quest for the prize that is the called the Trophy of Lombardi. Surely, the Saints will go marching in this day and for as long as Timothy shall lead them."

Local reporters sought comment on this astounding prediction of fame and fortune for the young star from the mother of Pam Tebow and grandmother of Tim, Mrs. Edna Sopchoppy, a resident of the Just Biding Our Time Nursing Home in Sarasota, FL, who apparently was decidedly unimpressed by all the hoopla.

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