Monday, January 26, 2009

Speechless. Almost.

This letter to the editor was in the SHT over the weekend. At first read, I was flabbergasted, but then I remembered where I lived--the land of the loonies.

"As we vigil for peace Fridays along the bayfront, we gaze toward a huge statue of a sailor forcing a kiss on a nurse. The unwilling recipient belongs to the profession well informed about the diseases the military transmit. Yet people seem to enjoy the image."

I mean, really......

Maybe we should all go 'vigil for peace' on Fridays with these people. Sounds like they know how to party.

My guess is that the letter writer is a former nun or a wannabe nun. Gotta be. I wonder if she carries around a wooden ruler, just in case.

Obviously not a 'touchy-feely' persona, more of an "everybody-is-going-to-Hell, except-me" kind of person. If she's right and she is the only one going, Heaven should be a real fun place.

I'll bet she closes her drapes and cowers when it's Veteran's Day. She used to hide on Memorial Day, but then she realized that the holiday was to remember the dead. Not much chance of being forcibly kissed and catching something from those guys.

Now, I read that this statue of the devil defiling Clara Barton will be the site of a marriage renewal ceremony on Valentine's Day. Couples are invited to exchange vows, toast with champagne and eat wedding cake. Then, they will all dance naked around the statue, playing hide the pickle with each other until the Sailor/Satan comes to life and sneezes on the helpless heroine, thereby communicating some insidious disease.

Should be great fun.

The event's rain date is Feb. 15. If this letter writer has her way, it will most assuredly rain on the 14th. The National Weather Service is already predicting a 100% chance of fire and brimstone, with a good chance of disease and pestilence to follow in the afternoon.

"Don't bother bringing the umbrella, Edna."

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