Friday, January 23, 2009

Unemployment For Former Hero

Obama orders CIA prisons, Guantanamo shut

President also orders that all interrogations must follow Army manual

Image: Obama, Biden and retired military officers
Charles Dharapak / AP

Reports from Washington indicate that, in addition to the recently publicized closure of Guantanamo and the renouncing of torture, President Obama has also secretly decided to immediately dismantle the shadowy Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU).

When questioned whether recent Nielsen ratings were behind the move, the President denied the rumor, adding that security will now be outsourced to British Intelligence, MI-5.

"Unlike our CTU which failed to prevent the assassination of former President David Palmer and the detonation of an atomic device, British Intelligence and it's famed 'Double-O" agents have never lost a Queen. And they look good doing it."

The following day, former CTU operative, Jack Bauer was seen entering a Los Angeles unemployment office.

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