In a ceremony recognizing Sarasota's Scottish heritage, Mayor Lou Ann Palmer is to become an honorary Scot for the day.
Upon hearing the news, rioting broke out in Glasgow, Edinburgh and several other cities in Scotland, threatening to scuttle the Tartan Day festivities in Sarasota. Authorities were taken by surprise by the numbers and vitriol of the protesters. Said one police official, "Ay naer swain a glaedy binna grebel don, ab kinna dolna," which, when translated, is complete gibberish.
"I can't believe this is happening to me," lamented the beleaguered mayor. "First, I get booed at the last Reds game yesterday, now those plaid-wearing bastards want to give me grief about being a 'Scot for a day'? I hope they all choke on their haggis."
"How come nobody booed Barbetta when he was 'honorary shill for the Red Sox'?"
As the plaque bestowing temporary status as a Scot was handed to Palmer, the bagpiper and his accompanying entourage lifted their kilts in "salute" to the mayor.