Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Madonna and Angelina Vying To Adopt Captured Somali Pirate, Catfight Looms
Pop star Madonna, recently rebuffed in her bid to adopt a young Malawi boy, is apparently determined to find a replacement and has set her sights upon the captured pirate from Somalia.
Unfortunately for her, film star Angelina Jolie is also seeking to add Abdiwali Abdiqadir Muse to her growing family as well, touching off a bidding war between the two serial adopters.
"That bitch already has six kids and a husband that she treats like a kid," said Madonna, "how many more does she need? I think poor Abdiwali would be so happy with brothers Rocco and David and Lourdes just thinks he's the cutest thing ever."
Upon hearing Madonna's statement, Ms. Jolie reportedly answered, "I can understand her feeling this way. Let's face it, Madonna is yesterday's laundry. Can't keep a husband, can't adopt more kids, can't make a hit record to save her life and, worst of all, the old bag is 50, for God's sake. And, let me tell you, those aren't highway miles, either, if you get my meaning. What's she have left to live for, social security? An appearance on "The Biggest Loser?"
While on his way to arraignment, the young pirate said to reporters, "I am flattered, sir, to even think that such wonderful stars would take an interest in someone such as I. I am also happy to be in America, such a wonderful place it is. And to have a mother like Madonna or Angelina to love me and care for me would be better than taking over many ships with my friends. Especially if the US Navy is going to get involved and shoot my friends."
Why is this man smiling? The prospect of three hots and a cot for the rest of his life seems like heaven compared to living in Somalia. Plus, he's not dead.