Saturday, April 18, 2009

WWII Vets Vow: "Rising Sun Will Not Wave O'er Ed Smith"

World War II veteran groups are mobilizing to prevent the sale of Sarasota's Ed Smith Stadium to an investment group that wants to bring a Japanese baseball team, the Honshu Kamikazes, here to the Suncoast.

"I fought those slanty-eyed bastards for two years in the '40's when I was a kid to keep them off our shores," rasped 87-year old Garvin Mackleberry, "and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it happen now. Everytime I see a Toyota in a parking lot of the retirement home, I whack it with my cane. I can damn well guarantee you that the parking lots of Ed Smith will be just crawlin' with them and Hondas if we let the Japs in here."

The VFW, American Legion and Daughters of the American Revolution, among others, are leading the charge against the proposed sale, while bloggers Red County and Theodore's World place the blame squarely at the feet of the Obama administration--just like they always do.

"We do not intend for Sarasota to become a second Pearl Harbor," said an unidentified veteran. "Hell, they're taking over baseball here in the States now. A couple years ago, none; now, every team has one. And you know, where you see one, there's a dozen lurking around the corner. You tell those fourth-estaters and fellow travelers Kirschner and Barbetta that it's 'No Sale' to the Nips."

The investors --Baseline-iScouts Group--tried to reassure the veteran groups that sake and rice bowls would not replace beer and hot dogs at the concession stands, fans will still be allowed to wear their shoes inside the stadium and umpires will not dress up like sumo wrestlers. They did admit that they are kicking around the idea of having the ball girls dress as geishas, though.

You want to know what it says? It says, "kill the round-eyes," that's what it says, mister.

Actual baseball card photo of Japanese left-handed pitcher, Yoshikazu Kojima


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