Thursday, July 16, 2009

Long-In-The-Tooth "Unconditional Surrender" Sculpture To Be Pulled From Sarasota Bayfront, Space To Be Filled By Piece With More Bite

Sarasota city officials announced today that the highly inflammatory sculpture entitled "Unconditional Surrender" is being extracted from its current spot alongside Rt. 41 and, in its stead, will be something else for art aficionados to chew on.

The piece is to be replaced by an old favorite from last year's Season of Sculpture: the Giant Molar. This universally-loved and highly regarded installation is being funded by a group of Suncoast dental professionals. A coalition consisting of the Sarasota Association of Dentists (S.A.D.), the Manatee Association of Dentists (M.A.D.), the Bradenton Association of Dentists (B.A.D.) and the Charlotte Association of Dentists (C.A.D.) has come together to raise nearly $750,000 to return the enormous enameled favorite to the Sarasota waterfront.

Said S.A.D. spokesman, Dr. Will Yankem, "We'd love to see the whole bayfront, from downtown to Selby Garden, lined with nothing but molars, incisors, cuspids and bicuspids."

"This is just fabulous news," gushed arts maven and guru of good taste, Virginia Hoffman. "I am soooo relieved to be done with that piece of trash--what was it called again, "Reconditioned Suspenders?" Now if we can only get that divine installation of artistically-upended automobiles re-installed, I would be happier than the day they slapped the handcuffs on my ex-husband, Art Nadel."

When reminded that so many people loved the sailor and nurse and might not like the towering tooth, Hoffman said, "The only imbeciles who won't like La Grosse Dent--that's what we call it in French, for you unwashed rabble out there--will be the old people. And they're just mad because the sculpture of a tooth reminds them that they don't have any anymore."

Not just a tooth, but "an artistic representation of man's innate inability to understand his world and his failed attempts to control his own destiny in that world vis-a-vis his interpersonal relationships to others of his own species."

Well, duh, who didn't know that??

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