Thursday, July 9, 2009

Maine Teacher's Troubles Mount After "Wedding" To 4th-Grade Student

An elementary school teacher from Maine who participated in a playground mock marriage ceremony to one of his 4th-grade students on their last day of school has now found himself in much more of a predicament than just the backlash from some parents and school administrators.
According to the 'groom,' teacher Paul Rosenblum, he is being sued for divorce by the 'bride,' his 4th-grade student, Bambi Jo Bajinski or, rather, Bambi Jo Bajinski-Rosenblum, as she now prefers to be known.

"I can't believe this is happening to me," lamented Rosenblum. "It was just something fun to do with the kids on the last day of school. I talked to my principal and thought we had everything straightened out. Then I get a knock on my door and get slapped with divorce papers. How screwy is that?"

Court documents indicate that Mrs. Bajinski-Rosenblum has retained famed Sarasota divorce attorney, Will Steele Allugotte, Esq, of the local firm, Dewey, Cheatham & Howe.

At a hastily arranged news conference with the young girl, attorney Allugotte explained, "When I read this story, I was outraged and appalled that this horrid monster would take advantage of an innocent flower like my client. After a quick check of Maine law, I realized that this darling daffodil could extract some measure of justice from, not only this loathsome cad, but the Falmouth, ME, School District, the State of Maine and anybody else I can think of before we go to trial."

When asked if he thought he was blowing this out of proportion, Allugotte fumed, "I should say not! This tender tulip was led to believe, as is every bride that I represent, that her husband would provide for her in a manner to which she was accustomed in perpetuity. By his denial of this sacred tenet of matrimony, he has left himself open to this action. Just because they were married on a playground, doesn't make it any less official. People nowadays get married jumping out of airplanes, on horseback, scuba diving--I understand some even still get married in a church."

To which the girl added, "Uh-huh."

"Furthermore," continued the attorney, "my client is now the laughingstock of the entire 4th grade at Plummer-Motz Elementary School and the rest of the community. She cannot leave her house, has been placed on medication and is seeing a therapist, as she cannot function because of the scandal that has evolved. Her whole family is devastated over this. Was it not embarrassing enough for this delicate daisy that the defendant showed up for the wedding in his old graduation gown and a clown tie? I submit that this soulless demon knew what he was doing from the start."

To which the girl added, "Uh-huh."

Rosenblum has said that his life has been turned upside down over this incident. "My fiancee left me yesterday and won't give me back my ring, I'm probably going to lose my teaching certificate, my house... my car... my dog. Every attorney I talk to wants paid in full up front. And I just got a $3700 bill from a caterer. For what? How many Gummi Bears can 22 kids eat in an hour? "

When polled, only one member of the bridal party had ever heard of the 'Amusement Park Clause' in Maine's matrimonial law: You must be this tall to get married.

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