Monday, October 12, 2009

First Picture Of 'Moon Bombing' Released By NASA, Ralphie's Mother's Advice Vindicated

Beginning a news conference by stating, "We're soooo sorry. We didn't realize.....We never meant for this to happen......." is never a good sign, but when it's a NASA news conference, it has even more consequence.

The scientists from NASA were trying to apologize for the unintended damage caused by their Friday morning intentional crash of, not one, but two multi-million dollar spacecraft into the surface of Earth's moon. "Like having sex with a hooker at one of those out-of-town conventions we go to, it seemed like a good idea at the time, " said one high-ranking Space Agency administrator. "Now, not so much."

Designed to determine if frozen water existed below the crust of the moon, the first rocket was to make impact, while the second rocket beamed back video and analyzed debris kicked up by the force of the crash before it, too, struck the moon.

At the center of the controversy is this first high-resolution photograph beamed back by the trailing rocket just seconds before it plowed into the face of the moon:

A NASA spokes-rocket scientist opined, "We had hoped to find water on the moon. Instead, we found retinal fluid."

Renowned Sarasota ambulance-chasing attorney and local social scene bon vivant, Wragby Crigglestone, has announced that he is suing the United States on behalf of the moon. "The facts clearly indicate that the collision was premeditated, intentional and deliberate, with little or no regard to the consequences, intended or otherwise, to the entity known as "The Moon," for which I am legal counsel."

"The victim here is not only my client, but, because the second missile did strike my client's other eye and has completely rendered him blind forever, the irresponsible actions of NASA, working on behalf to the United States, will also deprive millions of people worldwide the pleasure of viewing a full moon, as my client will no longer be able to fully reflect the Sun's light, due to the nature of his grievous injuries. In addition to the reckless endangerment charges I hope to bring against the United States, I will also organize a class-action suit for those people who, through no fault of their own, can no longer enjoy the light of the silvery moon because, henceforth, it will be a bad moon a-rising, although my client does not seek revenge, as their is no dark side of the moon."

"No more will we, as a people, enjoy dancing in the moonlight, for no longer will the moonlight feel right. 'Moon River' is now just a stream of tears as we are all relegated to live in a moonshadow, now that the blue moon of Kentucky will be the standard for us all, since NASA had no more regard for my client than if it was only a paper moon. When the moon comes over the mountain from now on, there will be no moondance unless there's a neon moon somewhere east of the sun and west of the moon that would cast sufficient moonglow."

Damages in the case have not been specified.

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