The City of North Port's annual Harvest Festival fireworks display has been cancelled due to an untimely accident during a test shot by the pyrotechnic company that was to mount the aerial display.
Phalba "Short Fuse" Quinif, a convicted arsonist and long-time employee of the Shoot-Em Up Fireworks Co., was testing their signature"Barrel of Fire" firework when something went terribly awry. Only the cat-like reflexes and professionalism saved Quinif's life, as the "Barrel of Fire" exploded in a massive fireball, sending flaming shards of paper high into the air and onto the roof of North Port City Hall, which, unfortunately burned to the ground as the city's fire apparatus was unable to exit the fire station located next door due to the department's Chuck-A-Luck booth being set up directly in front of the garage doors.
Witnesses said that the paper that went flying in every direction as a result of the explosion appeared to be some sort of technical paper. An unidentified spokes-shooter for the fireworks company confirmed that, typically, they collect all the safety manuals that they receive from the firework manufacturers and use them for wadding for the "Barrel of Fire" display.
"As a result of this unfortunate turn of events," he said, "we may re-examine that practice."