Trick Or Treating In Sarasota; It's.........Different

Because of the "mature" demographics of Sarasota, Halloween is celebrated a little differently.

Differently, as in (if you ARE a trick-or-treater):

• Even in your costume, everybody knows who you are because you forgot to take your name tag off your walker,


• Trick or treating starts at 6:00 PM and lasts until 6:15 PM,


• You get out of breath just walking up the sidewalk,


• You pass on any houses with a step up to the door,


• Someone drops a candy bar in your sack and you lose your balance,


• Someone says "Great Scrooge mask" and you aren't wearing a mask,


• When the door opens, you say "Trick or..............Trick or...........ahhh, forget it",


• You get lost and you've only gone next door,


• You knock on the door of your own house and get mad when no one answers,


• Your buy your costume in a larger size to fit over your Depends,


• You wonder why they don't make high-fiber candy,


• You tell everybody your costume is Hopalong Cassidy and nobody knows who that is,


• You think dressing up like an Eskimo would be a great costume until you have heat stroke,


• Your costume gets soaked with your drool,


• You faintly remember the good old days when your kids would do all the hard work of trick or treating and you just stole their candy, telling them they would thank you later because candy was bad for them.

Or, differently, as in (if you ARE NOT the trick-or-treater):

You have a smug sense of satisfaction when no kids come to your door on Halloween because:

• You've worked hard to cement your reputation as the meanest man in your gated community,


• You're glad there are no kids living in your gated community,


• Your constant harassment of your homeowner's association has resulted in their banning of trick or treating in your gated community,


• Standing at your front door cradling a shotgun (which you are entitled to do by the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution of these United States of America, by God) intimidates any would-be trick-or-treaters in your gated community,


• Your fight with your homeowner's association to keep your three pit bulls has paid off, even though the covenants clearly state "No Pets" in your gated community,


• Your ex-wife's restraining order against you precludes her from bringing your grandchildren over to trick or treat at your house in your gated community,


• You faintly remember the good old days when your kids would do all the hard work of trick or treating and you just stole their candy, telling them they would thank you later because candy was bad for them.

"You little punks! I never went around begging for candy when I was your age. I worked in the steel mills when I was 12 so I could buy my own damn candy."