Soupy Sales Takes His Final Pie, Toxicology Results Indicate Banana Cream

Beloved entertainer and patron saint of pie lovers everywhere, Soupy Sales, died this past week in a New York City medical facility. Mr. Sales was 83. He is survived by his loyal and faithful companion, White Fang, and was predeceased by his other co-stars, Black Tooth and Pookie. Pookie had left the show in 1987 due to an uncontrolled cocaine addiction and the two never reunited before Pookie's death in 1994 from an overdose.

Sales had been in ill health recently and authorities have suspected foul play. When Sales first began experiencing health problems, police initially drew correlations between this case and the 2006 poisoning of Col. Alexander Litvinenko, a former KGB agent in London. Litvinenko was deliberately contaminated with radioactive polonium-210 by person or persons unknown and the symptoms of both men were remarkably similar.

Adding to the incidental evidence was the revelation that another children's television icon, Fred Rogers, worked with Mr. Sales in a secret branch of the American CIA following their stints in Special Ops during the Vietnam War and used their entertainment connections to travel the world in relative freedom. Just before Rogers' death in early 2003, it was learned that Litvinenko had passed information to Sales and Rogers regarding a secret recipe for-------------banana cream pie.