Friday, October 9, 2009

Obama Wins Nobel Peace Prize, Right-Wing Tea Party Conservatives Riot In The Streets

Thousands of disgruntled Americans spontaneously took to the streets this morning in a groundswell backlash to the surprising announcement that Pres. Barack Obama had won the Nobel Peace Prize. Right-wing conservatives, already a tinderbox of simmering distrust and ill will toward the president, exploded in demonstrations that quickly degenerated into full-scale rioting that authorities were hard pressed to quell.

Reports of National Guard intervention have surfaced in various cities and officials have abandoned plans to contain the rioters in other cities and are taking up defensive positions in others. Sections of all major cities are in flames, with some of the hardest hit being the local wealthy enclaves of West Palm Beach, Naples and Sarasota, FLA.

In the upscale island resort of Longboat Key, just outside Sarasota, FLA, one particularly virulent demonstration marched down Gulf of Mexico Drive, the main thoroughfare of the normally-quiet town. It was an angry mob, not just because of their actions, but because they had signage to prove it, as shown in the photo below.

Some of the demonstrators, fashionably attired, of course, for the occasion, evidently had some of their protest signs outsourced to their non-English speaking staff. (We hope.)

Some demonstrators took the opportunity to recycle their displeasure with the Obama health care plan. Especially troubling was the woman below, shining her light of truth on the heretofore little-known pubic option that had been secretly attached to the larger bill. We're not sure exactly what the pubic option entails, but it can't be good........

Schools were shut down across Sarasota County, as distraught educators streamed to the impromptu demonstrations to add the voices of academia to the masses at the anti-Obama protests.

Damn you, Morans!

Local officials reported that the area demonstrations broke up shortly aftr 11:00 AM, when the combination of rising temperatures and humidity made it uncomfortable to be outside, forcing the protesters into their idling SUVs for some air-conditioned relief, not to mention that it was nearly lunchtime.
Damage is still being assessed, but it appears that the most extensive problem here on the Suncoast will be the sea of litter from empty mimosa cups, granola bar wrappers and expensive cigar butts.

Looting was confined to one Starbucks when a customer ordered her usual triple-mocha half-caff soy latte over ice and tried to pay for it with a $100 bill. When informed that, because the store had just opened, there was not enough change in the register for the hundred, the unidentified woman grabbed her drink from the barrista and left the store in a huff, intentionally knocking over a Fair-Trade Coffee display, citing her displeasure at its socialist implications.

No comments:

Post a Comment