Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Manatee County Man To Produce 'Healthy Chocolate'; World's Drug Cartels Crumble

World-renowned physicist, Aharon Friedman, who is beginning production of his 'healthy chocolate' in Manatee County, has single-handedly accomplished what years of feverish governmental effort and millions of tax dollars could not: disembowel the illegal drug trade.

Said one soon-to-be former North Trail cocaine dealer, "How the hell do I compete with 'healthy chocolate?' All my steady customers are giving up blow for this new shit. What do I do now--apply for a bailout?"

Harvard economist, Dr. Chalfont Bedminster, states simply, "Quite frankly, this changes everything. Drug traffickers have stopped shooting up US-Mexican border towns, the economies of Columbia, Panama and other coca-producing countries are collapsing and the incredible profits reaped by the Taliban from the poppy fields of Afghanistan have suddenly dried up, effectively putting those terrorists out of business."

'Healthy chocolate' has been proven to:
  • prevent cavities,
  • cure diabetes,
  • cure osteoporosis,
  • prevent ear and upper respiratory infections,
  • prevent Candida yeast infections,
  • cure athlete's foot,
  • is beneficial to pregnant or nursing women.

Leading demographers foresee a precipitous drop in the world birth rate, as well.

7890Chocolate-Posters.jpg chocolate image by jemimasway


  1. I find this blog to be informative though some what sarcastic. Healthy Chocolate is indeed healthier than drugs. In fact it is so healthy that it eliminates the need to posts blogs. When you eat Healthy chocolate you feel so energetic that you want to go out and do things. Right now I am tied to the chair by my staff who insisted I answer this blog.

    The claims presented here by the blogger or the commenter are not representing any claims made by Healthy Chocolate. It just me being silly.

  2. If you find this blog the least bit "informative," then you, sir, are apparently suffering the effects of chocolate deprivation. I would suggest a healthy dose of same to clear your thinking and dissipate your silliness.