Saturday, March 21, 2009

Sarasota Visitors Board Denies Eruption of Undersea Volcano

The Sarasota Convention and Visitors Board is busy trying to quash reports of a massive undersea volcano eruption in the Gulf. The blast, which rattled condo windows up and down the coast, awakened visitors and residents alike shortly after daybreak. While beachgoers viewed the mountainous plume of ash and smoke, lifeguards were instructed to answer inquiries by saying: "This is a perfectly normal phenomenon and poses no threat to the public. In fact, we expect the water temps to rise by 5-10 degrees to make your beach-going experience even more pleasant."

Sarasota officials scoffed at the widely-held belief by geologists and marine scientists that a deadly tsunami was imminent and the Gulf waters would soon turn scalding on area beaches, followed by a choking ash cloud moving ashore around evening.

Said one anonymous authority, "This could not have come at a worse time for Sarasota and we are not about to let some egg-headed, junk-science alarmists ruin high season for us."

Meanwhile, news of dead fish raining from the sky have been reported from Clearwater to North Fort Myers and as far inland as Arcadia.

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