This recently declassified photo, found sealed in a jar of pickled beets in the back of the third shelf from the bottom of a fruit cellar of a recently demolished tavern in the village of Wollstadt, Germany, is proof positive that Lance Armstrong's doping issue should be the least of his problems.
As can be clearly seen in this shocking photograph, Armstrong leads the pack of other bikers by a full 2.4 seconds along the treacherous Rue de Cherchez la Femme during the 1940 Tour de France.
So, Mr. Yellow Wristband, how can you still insist that you have never used performance-enhancing drugs when, assuming you were 19 when this photo was taken, your true age today would be 88-YEARS OLD!
And how do you explain those suspiciously-familiar biking togs you're wearing???
And, why haven't you, Wild Thing, reported on this story? Are you a friend of Lance or, perhaps, the company he keeps, meine wenig liebchen???
Thanks for the truth, Roger.