Thursday, September 17, 2009

Tea Party Candidate For President Kicks Off 2012 Campaign In Sarasota

Former Jedi knight and presidential candidate for the Tea, Party, the Righteous Deliverer of All Knowledge, Wadley Nechanitz, officially declared his intent to become leader of the free world this morning with a frenzied rally that, at times, teetered on becoming an event so overpoweringly awesome that it was nearly able to produce its own weather systems.

A rapturous throng, estimated by Sarasota PD to be in the tens, milled about Main Street for several hours until the stroke of 9:48 AM, when candidate Nechanitz exited the First Watch Restaurant after conferring with Katherine Harris over a breakfast of corned beef hash and hanging chads, strapped on his familiar sign board and spoke to the gathered faithful.

Nechanitz, whose official bio lists his hometown as "Not Of This Earth," told the assembled crowd, "There is only one hope for this country--someone who is not evil. Therefore, since I am not evil, I am announcing my candidacy for President of the United States of Glenn Beckistan."

"My platform is simple and straightforward: I will disband the Federal Government, allow towns of over 5,000 citizens to form their own countries, declare the Democratic Party to be Nazi propagators of swine flu and have them quarantined for life and provide free rocky road ice cream for every man, woman and child in this country for life."

Seriously, is it that much more crazy than this:

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