Friday, February 27, 2009

$13.06 Does Not Buy A Good Pizza--Or A Good Hitman

Just when you thought that the endless news stories about Nick Bollea's car wreck and the rest of the Hogan family's train wreck of a life finally had come to a end, now this hits the fan. They're baaaaaack!

I'm always amazed how often you hear about people trying to hire undercover cops to kill somebody. Real killers for hire need to get better organized. A toll-free 800 telephone number, maybe. Or a website. Maybe they should just kill their agents and start over. I'll bet sports agent Scott Boras would do one helluva job for a hitman and get him top dollar, too.

Apparently, the honeymoon between Graziano and the missus has been over for a while, like, since 2004 when Mrs. G filed her first domestic violence injunction. By August, 2007, the number of injunctions she filed reached 4. I don't know how many protection from abuse orders or divorce proceedings have to be filed before you get the picture, but it must be more than 4.

Later that same August, son John was riding with Nick Bollea/Hogan when he piled it up and John was left pretty much a vegetable. Hold everything! With cameras rolling, the loving husband and father declared, "My wife is the best mother there is in the world." Maybe so, but when the cameras were turned off, he still wanted the bitch dead, "best mother in the world" or not.

Now riding on the coattails of a celebrity like Hulk Hogan because your son hung around with his son was probably pretty cool for the Grazianos. But when your son gets almost killed and starts wracking up enormous medical bills, that's when you see the celebrity less as a buddy and more of a cash cow and start filing lawsuits.

Don't get me wrong, they all seem pretty much like trailer trash to me. Like the missus said this morning, "you can have money and still be trailer trash." Amen to that, sister. And having the money and their 15 minutes in the spotlight makes them just that much more interesting, too.

Proving that trailer trash can dish out a heapin' helpin' of irony, Graziano wanted the hit on his wife to be in a car crash. Nice touch there, Mr. G. Instead of trying to find a hit man, you should have just asked Nick to take her for a spin through Clearwater.

Over the course of a dozen meetings in the span of a few months, the details were finally negotiated to the satisfaction of both parties. Never let it be said that Eddie Graziano doesn't drive a hard bargain. Most guys would just want this to happen and move on, instead of trying to nickel and dime a killer. Hey, Eddie, HE'S A KILLER--what are you gonna do, try to cheat the guy out of a couple bucks?

The going rate to knock off a semi-high profile target in Southwest Florida: $1,100 in cash, a personal check for $1,000 and a gift card to Westshore Pizza for $13.06. Blame it on the economy. Hitmen have to eat too, you know.

And what kind of a pizza are you gonna get for a lousy $13.06? The lunch special?

Oh, I didn't know...............

Westshore Pizza Introduces its new "Eddie G" $13.06 Special
A very personal-size pizza, just like Momma used to make on Fridays, when Dad came home drunk after blowing his whole paycheck playing cards and started smacking her around. First, we take the dough and throw it against the wall, then knead it like we're choking that no-good bastard. Add some cheese and whatever we sweep up off the floor, put it in the oven and serve it up on paper plates. Our customers tell us it's "the pie to die for!"

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