Ain't Love Grand?

Deputies say man threw urine, eggs and lighter fluid on girlfriend

STAFF REPORT
Published: Tuesday, February 3, 2009 at 1:00 a.m.

MANATEE COUNTY - A Bradenton man splashed a cup of urine in his girlfriend’s face, pelted her with a half-dozen eggs and threatened to set her on fire Saturday morning, according to a Manatee Sheriff’s report.

Authorities say James E. Farrell, 49, also squirted charcoal lighter fluid all over the woman and then held burning paper near her skin after using several other items to assault her around 2:30 a.m. Saturday in his residence in the 5300 block of 22nd Street East.

Farrell also dumped several gallons of water on the woman, the report said. She did not suffer any serious injuries.

Manatee Sheriff’s spokesman Dave Bristow said Farrell became combative because he was upset about a phone call.

Farrell was arrested on charges of felony aggravated domestic assault and misdemeanor battery.

This is definitely a bogus arrest and the guy should get off. Here's why:

1. This all started when the girlfriend started pestering the poor boyfriend about giving her the 'six-egg shampoo' that she had just read about in Cosmo. Ordinarily, he would have been happy to oblige, but it was 2:30 in the morning, he had just returned from a long day on a church field trip with orphans and he was hungry for a grilled cheeseburger.
2. He had repeatedly asked the girlfriend to stop leaving cups of her urine scattered around the house, but she refused. He did not intentionally throw the urine on her, but when she knocked one of the cups from his hand, a small amount of the urine may have splashed on her.
   
3. Frustrated, he decided to have his burger and politely asked her to step away from the charcoal grill while he was using the lighter fluid, but she wouldn't get out of the way.
   
4. He was using the burning paper to light the aforementioned grill AND SHE STILL WOULDN'T GET OUT OF THE WAY!
5. He doused her with water only to wash off the lighter fluid that accidentally splashed on her when SHE WOULDN'T GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY! I think he was only being a thoughtful, caring boyfriend and she provoked the entire incident.

You be the judge of who got the worst of it:

Him?



Her?