Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Manatee Machete Man Threatens To Fillet Contractor

Man, 78, attacks worker with machete, deputies say

Published: Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 3:34 p.m.

MANATEE COUNTY – Authorities say a 78-year-old man charged at a contractor with a machete, threatening to chop him up and throw him in a pond because the man did not want fish removed from the neighborhood lakes.

Francisco Ortiz, of the 500 block of Country Lane, was arrested on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon in the Tuesday afternoon attack.

Deputies say Ortiz reported the contractor to authorities around 3:30 p.m. when he noticed the man removing fish. Ortiz was notified by a deputy that the homeowners’ association had hired a contractor to remove tilapia from the neighborhood's ponds.

Ortiz, 78, told deputies he had pushed the contractor out of his yard last week and intended to do it again, the report said.

Ortiz entered his home and retrieved a machete while a deputy questioned neighbors about Ortiz's demeanor, according to a report.

After the attack, Ortiz ran into the home and locked all the doors, but Ortiz's wife let the deputy into the residence to arrest Ortiz.

Hell, yeah; I'd be pissed off enough to chop the guy up too for the way he was trying to get the tilapia out of the 'lakes' in the development. (Builders call those ratty retention ponds that catch all the runoff of lawn fertilizer and dog shit from the backyards 'lakes,' so they can charge you for a waterfront lot. And if you live across the street and can look out your guest bedroom window while standing on a your tiptoes and your neighbor's shrubs on that side of the house are trimmed down to the nubs and there are no cars in his driveway and you can just barely catch a glimpse of a corner of the lake if the water level is high enough, that's a builder's upcharge for "water view." )

Imagine. You're sitting there on your sun-dappled lanai that overlooks the lake, sipping an afternoon St. Germain's cocktail, statuesque herons patiently wade and wait, glistening turtles laze on the bank, a pair of otters frolic in the softly rippling water, somewhere in the distance a bird sings its song of spring. Yes, life is good in your little corner of the world.

Then, somebody comes to your idyllic little scene to remove the tilapia. Surely, there are better ways to get the fish out of the pond than this:

On second thought, forget the machete--go get the 12-gauge for that son of a bitch!

And when the cops show up to arrest him, HIS WIFE LET'S THEM IN to haul him off to jail.

Not even two weeks after Valentine's Day and she does him this way. That's right, buddy; that's how much she really thought of that $60 bouquet of roses you got her......

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